Day 3. March 16, 2012
I will travel across the land,
Searching far and wide.
Each Pokemon to understand
The power that’s inside
(Gotta catch ‘em all)
Pokémon Theme Song
OK, after reading this article on the horrifying implications of the Harry Potter Universe… this got me thinking about other science fiction universes I’ve been brought up with (and thought I would love to live in).
I have a cubone to pick with all that is Pokémon.
This may end up reading like a Cracked article. Because I’m a loser.
My biggest issue is that these kids are expected to start their pokémon adventures at 10 years old. This is insanity. Ten year olds know nothing. Even less than Jon Snow. Being 10 puts you in… 4th or 5th grade. Do you remember what you were like at that age? Well, I do. Because that’s when my life changed and Harry Potter entered my reality. Aside from having awesome taste in books, I was a total dumbass (I hope that’s changed).
I know a lot of 10 year olds and very few are as resourceful as Ash Ketchum. Perhaps it’s because we take these kids for granted and if left to their own devices… they would be able to survive travelling cross country by themselves. I mean, it’s not like there are any major threats that could possibly cross their paths…
Except Team Rocket. Who, if you think about it, are terrorists. They run around stealing people’s pets. They steal, they lie, they cheat… I think I remember an episode or two where they may or may not have blown shit up. And they’re organized. Uniforms, the best technology the Pokémon world has to offer, and an army of the strongest pokémon of each kind. Nothing a 10 year old and a level 2 Charmander couldn’t handle. Right?
Aside from the absurdly early age a child enters adulthood and a terrorist organization ravaging the Pokémon countryside…
This concept of “gotta catch’em all” seems like a superfluous task. Pokémon aren’t stamps. They’re the animals of that world. They have thoughts, feelings, needs, families, personalities and language. Trainers, by some magical force, are only allowed to carry seven pokémon at one time. Shouldn’t that say something?
Even in the old school Gameboy color Yellow Version that I play, when you put a pokémon into the PC, it makes a distinguishable sad sound. Pokémon don’t want to be sent away, forgotten, and replaced by cooler, stronger pokémon. Who then, in turn, will also be sent away, forgotten, and replaced. It’s animal cruelty!
I mean, think about it. When you choose to catch a pokémon, you choose to become its trainer, owner, parent. How many children can someone possibly have before one, or more, becomes neglected? In the game it doesn’t really matter if you really put time into leveling up (training) a pokémon or if you caught it in Cerulean Cave. It will obey you. But, in real life, it serves to argue that Nidoqueen might not give a shit that you want it to use horn attack against Charizard and decides to charge down your ungrateful ass.
Speaking of animal cruelty…
They have pokémon working for them! Can you say slave labor? From Chanseys working in the Pokémon Center, Bulbasaurs, Growlithes and whatnot in the police force, Machokes and the like move stuff, a fire department made up of Squirtles, Lapras as boats, to the electric pokémon as generators, just to name a few. The hell kind of compensation do these pokémon make? Pokémon have proved to be of as high, or higher, intelligence as humans. Would they really be satisfied with just a place to stay and some food?
This is getting quite long, but I dunno, man. I think it’s time to reexamine these universes from our childhoods.